越夜越寂寞

因为想一个人而寂寞， 因为爱一个人而温柔， 因为有一个梦而执着， 因为等一个人而折磨，.... 想去履行曾经的诺言.....比全世界的任何人都爱你......

失去她以后
每当夜晚感觉寂寞总是会笼罩着整个黑夜。。。
特别的宁静，时间过得特别慢。。。
而且常睡不着....

想我爱的她，每夜都会想起。不知她会不会也想起我。

想我爱的她....是不是在她男朋友的怀抱？是不是想她爱的男朋友？

而我繼續孤單的過日子......

天涯何处无芳草??????

Dear May,
I never expect you online now. Maybe you onduty today. Many works to be done? Maybe just want to online and chat with your bf? I don know. But I saw your msn title change to "My Damn Cool Hubby.." Again... I hurt again. Maybe I cannot sleep again. Why tomorrow is a holiday? Can I spend the time alone? I don know. But I will go to R place again. else I will not know what I will do and what I will be......

I just cannot delete your msn.... when can I really delete your msn? When can I forgot you? When can I forgive myself?

R say he delay the China trip to July, I feel good when I heard about that, mean he can accompany me until July lo. I feel good and direct decide that tonight meal on me. He tell me my action delight him. Maybe? But actually I just want to make other people happy. People tell me that make other happy, you will also happy. Maybe I still cannot feel the happiness, but I hope all of my friends, coli and you happy.

Hope I can recover from you before R go to China. Hope I can release myself. Hope everything will be good. Hope my hope all can become true...

Dear May,
You never know how hurt is me when I see you display your msn title as "My Damn Lovely Hubby.." and display the photo that you 2 take together as msn pic. My heart and brain got somethings broke that time. Maybe you think I deleted your msn but actually I just block you. I still can view your msn title and msn pic.

So that mean you really happy with your current bf. I never know you can announ to all that someone is your husband. Maybe I rally cannot give you those happiness. I just remember that last time you declare me as your husband but now......

I don know what I can do already. Maybe I really need to delete your friendster and msn so I can release myself? Our 4 years relationship really mean nothing? I don know. I know I am a bad bf but I really don know I am bad like this. I am very sure I lost the romatic and I never know you still need it. After see your photo, I just know that I am really bad. I cannot make you happy like this. Maybe you not purpose mean that, but your action, your smile, your words all make me more hurt.... regret why I cannot give you the same feel like that guy.

遗憾一生

我不期待你对我好 只有你不推开我就很高兴了

爱情是一座森林，一座无论再怎么大都只是被称为森林的森林，当你刚走进这个森林时，或许你会对于森林的奥妙感到兴奋，但当你发现离开森林的路时，你的好奇心会让你跟随着它离开，而当你走出了森林时，你会发现原来森林只是世界的一部分，其实这个世界真的很大，森林在世界的定义里算不上什么，真正属于你的世界，其实或许是森林外的天空。。。。。。

是她失去一个爱她的人,而我只是失去一个不爱我的人....

如果你愛一個人，隨遇而安，讓她自由的飞，如果最后她还是回到你身边，那就是命中注定的

曹操曰:" 宁我负天下人，莫要天下人负我。 "

曾经喜欢过的女生，即使最后没有在一起，她在我心中永远有一个特别的地位，我永远都会记得她。

爱别人，也要懂得爱自己。自己都不疼惜自己，别人哪会疼惜你呢？

好想他-李圣杰

好想他好想他亲爱的你知道吗 心里话别藏了爱的音符听到吗

不说话的出声振住冷话 把淋夹铁淋夹一起融化

沙啦啦小雨打你愿意吗我问她

粉红色的樱花栽种楼下 老了旦的牙刷分外疲乏

沙啦啦小雨打你在哪儿啊好想他

好想他好想他好想听他说说话 一个人无宣假好想抱他我的他

好想他好想他好想跟他说说话 准备了好久啊亲口说这句话 好爱好爱他

看那星光为了你像在闪 给你这一生能依靠的肩膀

橱窗里飘雪花空气冷吗 你下巴往下压是拒绝吗

沙啦啦小雨打伤了你吗我问他

眉儿弯泪汪汪可爱模样 北星冷照情郎远在他乡

一天天一夜夜走向流沙好想他

好想他好想他好想听他说说话 吻吻他的头发好想吻他我的他

好想他好想他好想跟他说说话 准备了好久啊亲口说这句话 好爱好爱他

好想他好想他好想听他说说话 吻吻他的头发好想吻他我的他

好想他好想他一起为精彩成长 这爱恋这情话 只想用心唱首情歌告诉他

Dear May,
My heart is bleeding now. I saw you go to Genting yesterday. I do not know what to write now.......

Dear May,
Sat and Sun cannot delight me. I try to find someone go out but I find that I have no one to call. I still in R place but I find that here already cannot reduce my pain. How can I stop miss you, stop jealous about ur bf? How can I stop blaming myself? How can I pass my life without you?

Sunway, Yue streamboat, KLCC, Titiwangsa...... Where will you go today? I just keep on thinking. I hate my brain keep on thinking something nonsense. Just like the attachment I read just now. I am not oblighted to the jeolousy. I already not your bf and maybe in your mind, I am a stranger that last time know well.......If last time people tell me break up with gf will become like this, I never believe them. I always think that just something will happen in drama 1. But now I know that, it is real.

R and D kept on say something that make me happy. Last time I will be very happy to stay with them but now I am not. Those jokes already cannot make me laugh and sometimes I even don listen to them or pretend listen to them and my brain just think about you. I really miss you, love you......

你以为最酸的是吃醋吗？
　　　
不是的，最酸溜溜的感觉是没权吃醋！跟本就轮不到你吃醋，那是最酸最酸的。

你暗恋的那个人，你能吃他的醋吗？

眼看着他跟情人甜甜蜜蜜，眼看着他对其他人好，你就是没资格吃醋。你的喉咙，酸的有点冒出泡沫来。
　
你喜欢那个人，他也知道，但他不喜欢你。他跟谁来往，跟谁恋爱，也轮不到你吃醋。

他对某人特别好，你恨的牙痒痒，好想走到他面前，质问他：“你干嘛对她这样好”？　
　
然而，你是谁？

即使望着他和她牵手，她替他整理衣服的领口，甚至坐在他大腿上，你也无权说什么，你只能在心里恨她。

旧情人的醋，你也无权再吃。大家已经分手了，他和谁在一起，不关你的事。

他说过会永远怀念你，永远保护你，那又怎样？他可没说过永远不爱其他人。

他有了新的对像，他投入一段新的恋情，你从没见过他对一个人这么好。

你跟他说：我讨厌你跟她在一起！但你们不是已经分手了吗？

吃醋也要讲名份。吃不到的醋，是最酸的。

很想吃你醋，但我是你什么人呢？！

Dear May,
Sat morning again, so the hard time comes again. I will think about u and ur bf. Actually I take a lot of work back home do but I cannot start on it. I just no mood does. I think I will go to R house and pass my weekend with him. I start worry I don know how to pass my weekend when he go to China. He will go to China at second week of June. Still got about 2 months time to go. I hope I can recover from your pain that time. But, I believe, It is impossible since every day have something that remind me about you. I try not to think about it but mind is not control by me.

Checked your Friendster and see you delete my comment. You never know that’s how pain to me. I start hate myself why I go and see your Friendster. The comment that your bf send to you also make me upset and hurt. I believe you two will have a happy weekend and I wish you will happy also. I start thinking where you will go, where that guy live, where I can meet you. I really have a mind that wants to go your house and see whether that guy treat you good or not. R and ED keep on tell me let it go and I want to let you know that I really want to let it go but my heart is not control by my brain. I never know when I can stop updating this blog. I think the day I don update this blog is the day I totally forgot you….But when is the days? Will the day come?

Dear May
I went to TCGM today. I don know whether my job is the main factor to make us breakup, but I am sure this TCGM client is part of the reasons. I put so much efforts in this client until I don care about u and the incident. This was still my hardest pain in my heart. So really, I don prefer to go to this client side. It refreshes my memories and that time I just thought about working, and now I know that you are the most important one. When TCGM people appreciated my hardwork in their project and recommended TCGS ( M for Malaysia, S for Singapore) to accept my company as their next vendor, I really want to tell my boss or TCGM people that this make me lose my lover forever…

Just now I attended my company’s gathering. My company just organized a night for all the company staffs. A lot of people brough their gf or wife to come. When I saw those people who came with couple made me hurt more. And the location of this gathering was pizza hut. Actually I don want to attend already when I know the location is pizza hut. But because boss kept on asking me to go, I was forced to attend it. I never knew eating pizza was so hard for me. Pizza that without you, cannot delight me anymore. Although I look like enjoying the meal, but actually my heart was bleeding. But I still needed to pretend. Simply because I am the one who can make the people surrounding happy. Maybe I really have the talent of being a clown

After the dinner, we went to watch “forbidden Kingdom”. This was part of the gathering packages and because not to be anti social, I joined. But in the middle of movie, I couldnt bear. I kept on reminding those movies that I used to watch with you. Especially the movie “David” that we watched in Pavilian since I was in Pavilian that time. You never knew now I even don want to go Pavilian for lunch or any purposes because for me it recalled a lot of memories. I even don want to go to TGI Friday that floor because It was the last place we hung around…

After movie I went to have a drink with my coli again. The quantity of wine and beer I drank this few days was even more than the quantity of wine and beer for the past 25 years. Due to environmental issue, I opened my last pack of Kent Neo. Most of the cigarettes were given to my coli. My feeling was bad when seeing they took my Kent Neo but I also felt happy because this was the last pack. I did not know how could I get back to home but I knew that beer and cigarettes cannot reduce my pain already. When I can just forget you and start a new life?

Dear May,
Exactly a month u broke up with me....I still feel the pain l like yesterday. I still could remember the entire scene that happened that day. You said you wanted to break up, I rushed to nowhere to buy flower for you. I took you to that restaurant and begged you to stay at my side. I pretended I was ok. My feeling and my mood on that day are now refreshing my brain. My heart that was already broken into pieces, breaking again into even small pieces now.

I hate my good memories. I used to feel very proud of my good memory last time whereby I could even remember all the maths’ formulas, classmate's birth and phone and etc. I can remember everything if I want to keep it inside my memory. But now, I hate my good memory. I tried to forget how I treated you I cant. I tried to forgot your face, your hug, your care but i cant. I never realized that was the treasure given by God to me. Now I give away this treasure to other people. I’m really stupid. Bastard!

Hai... No mood to work today....

Dear May,
I tried not to update my blog already. I tried to work properly. I tried to not think about you. I tried to think about my parents when I was thinking about you. But I just coudn’t afford to do that. You are still always in my heart. I still cannot give up on you. If I do not write something to release my inner pain, I have no way to control myself.

I have stopped smoking already, although I still got a pack of Kent Neo. You’ll never know how hard for me to stop it. I threw away my lighter but eventually, it caused me to get a box of matches. Even myself cannot imagine that I will become this type of person. I used to hate smoking people last time.. But now I know why people love to smoke already. But as what I said, I stop smoking, since tomorrow will be one month broke up anniversary.

I started to pray. i never know I will start to pray like this. I am a christian but I know all the while I do not practicing Christianity lifestyle. I started to pray for my parent, my brother, my friends R, D, CY and ED. Finally I prayed for you also - prayed for your health and happiness. I never think I’m going to pray for you before this, but the real thing is, I do. I must admit that I may abuse the power of pray because I only prayed for you after breaking up with u. I prayed to get you back, to make you dump your bf. When I was praying, I know that was incorrect way to pray with devilish motive behind, but I still couldn’t control. Fortunately, just now I was able to conduct a good pray. Maybe really, time really can heal people......

・.｡.有明天 就有希望.｡.・有时候明明心很痛，却要笑得很灿烂。

在某一天，没有电脑，关掉手机，你会想谁？谁又会想你？

也许我们不能放弃的不是不爱我们的人，而是那个为什么我对你那么好，你却不同样地对待我的疑问；也许不是我们不明白这个世界的不公平，而是不能接受这样的不公平也发生在我身上；也许不是我们的心里老是忘不了那个人，而是老是忘不了那个让我们跌倒而又没能重新爬起来的空间.

世上最累的事情，莫过于眼睁睁看着自己的心碎 ，还得自己动手把它粘起来.

我们都会忘记使自己笑的人，却永远记得使自己哭的人。

Dear May,
I never thought I will write 2 letter to you in 1 day. I never know I got so many things want to tell you. Maybe when I lost the chance to tell you, then just realize that I got so many things want to let you know...

People tell me that I will recover from you 1 day. I also believe that. I just don know when is the day. People tell me that try to chase other gals, I try to on my focus on them but look like I am fail. You are my only now. I don know this situation will remain until when, but I believe one of my friend say that, "until 1 day I will collect all the broken pics of my heart, and store it in a virtual box, put it in the deepest edge of my heart. then I use the remain of my heart to chase another gal. If I am lucky, I can don touch the box until I die, else we both don know what will happen....I believe what he tell me and I believe I am trying to collect the pics of my heart now. This process is very diffcult for me. I think that, The most diffcult thing for me now is I break
my heart myself, then I need to recover it myself again......

People tell me that maybe I not love you, just because of I cannot wake up from the pain being you dump or you got partner before me. I don know whether they are true or not. But at least I don feel this feeling from other gal. I rather believe this is love. People also tell me I am sad because I feel I am sorry to you. I agree with them. I really feel sorry to you. But I know that the feel that I feel from you not only sorry. If only sorry then I should be just find a way to say sorry, but not like the situation I face now......

Dear May,
I noticed that u have added few photos in your friendster again. you went to Titiwangsa and you cut your hair. I could still remember we used to go to titiwangsa together but that time you din’t look as happy like this. Is this bf really treating you that good? make you really happy like that. I don know. I hope you are happy but I will be happier if you can stay happiness with me. But look like is impossible oledi. Maybe 4 years really can make people lost romantic and caring...

I went out to have a drink last nite. I thought beer or wine can let me forgot something, but look like no. Chivas, Kent Neo all couldn’t make me to forget you. Especially Kent Neo, when I was smoking, I felt like getting you back although i remembered that u used to say if I smoke, then you will leave me. This make me keep on smoking but at the same time reminded me stop it. Dilemma. I also started to worry when I finish them because seems cannot get this brand from normal place. But on other hand I also hoped just to finish this pack so I will not smoke again. I never know you can influence me so much.I really hope I got the chance to chase you back but because of your photo, I know it is impossible oledi. Every nite I’m blaming myself until fall asleep.... I really don know when I can stop this kind of action... maybe forever? I never know....

Dear May,I packed all your things this early morning. This even included the box that you bought for me during 2006's christmas. I cannot let those things keep on dominating my mind. I have also stopped making stars because I felt that I couldn’t afford to continue like this. Even with 999 stars, I know you will not give me back a chance. This morning when I was looking at the self made stars, I couldn’t control myself to throw it. I put so much effort in making the stars but on another hand I threw them away outside the window this morning. I hope DBKL will not find me tonite. But really, After throwing, I regretted again. Those are all my sincerities but I just threw them like rubbish.....

This morning I tried to change my look and style. I don want people to know I am so upset. I wore the clothes that I dislike with my spec now. I could still remember you kept on telling me to wear something that look younger. Although now maybe you cannot have a look on it, But at least I am doing it. My coli all were surprised by my look.... I really hope the change of Style and look will make me happier

I saw someone was viewing my profile in friendster. His name is aston. I believe that he is your bf since he is the only one that appears on your friendster feature friends list that viewed me. I don know how I feel now...... I hope I am wrong but my sixth sense tells me is correct. I refuse to think so much but I cannot control myself. I hate my self......

I directly booked the ticket to Sarawak. Luckly the ticket was cheap. Due to the works and lot problems, I only can back on17 May. My coli J and K will go back with me. They kept wanting to have a look on my hometown although I have told hem there is nothing special. At the moment I booked the ticket, I just cannot control myself to think about you, because you used to tell me that u want to back Sarawak with me last time. I cannot control my tears again. I never know I am such a person. Can cry so much 1. I think the drops of my tear in these 2 weeks are more than whole life of mine.....

Dear May,
I can’t sleep again. I truly understand that Sat and Sun will be a hard time for me but I never expect it’s that kind of tough where I cannot stand it anymore. I just keep on thinking that you may have a whole nite free on sat nite and whole day free on sun, which may cause you to have a date with him. Where have u been? How you pass the time with him? What will you do when you go out with him? I cannot control my mind to think about it. I just cannot control.
I do not want to stay at R there anymore and insist going back to wangsa at noon. I know I cannot keep bothering people. I need to solve it by myself. So I just tell myself, if I really want to think about you and you are doing now, then just keep thinking la. If I cannot pretend nothing happen, then I just don pretend la. If I want to cry, just cry. Those are the reasons I want to back to my place and stay alone. At least no one can c me when I am crying.
Outside keep raining again. I just cannot hold myself to think about that time I sent you back in heavy rain evening. We had a quarrel that time. Then when I sent you back, I rushed out at rain to get an umbrella for you. I know at that moment you get touched and finally, it helped to solve our quarrel problem. I really hope now I can redo that again. I just want you to know I can do anything for you to get you back. I know most of our quarrel originates from my fault. I just keep thinking about other people's ideas and always think that other people's gf is better. I know my fault already. When something nice is already on my side, I just keep on thinking there will be something better again. I am sorry that I always blame you cannot cook or thinking about you not a christian.... people's view always make me don really understand how good are you. I am regretted and sorry for that.

Dear May,
I just cannot tahan staying at home today. No choice, I got to pack my things and went to R there for 1 nite stay. I need people to console me. I already hate myself to keep say this again and again. R called CY to come to his house for a gathering and we had something like reunion becoz maybe next time we don really have chance to meet again. R just got the chance to work in China with a really high pay. So finally, R, D, CY and me had a gathering today.We have a K session at nite. This reminded me on you again. I just remembered we used to have a K session together with toh and YF during my birth last year. Actually I really dislike leisure mall for k but finally, due to everyone suggest go there, so i go. I cannot becoz the place got our memories and refuse to be there, although that's what I doing currently.K couldn’t delight me but it helped to release some of my pain. When R asking for some photo shooting then I still cannot stop thinking about you. only at this momeent I just know take how photo shooting hurt for me. I felt regretful not taking any photo with you when you r there...After K session, we went for a drink. During the drinking session, I also just know how my friends face their relationship problem and that really taught me alot. I swear, if I got a second chance, I will never treat you like what I have done before. I really oledi fully understood what is love and it need 2 people contribute 1. last time I just keep on let you contribute. I am really selfish. I am sorry.

Dear May,
I really hate myself. I cannot control myself to accept that you already not my gf. I never know I love you that much. I already block your msn and delete your contact number in my phonebook. But, I know that is useless. I really try to delete your msn and message that you send to me in phone but i find that I cannot. When I want to delete your msg or msn, my hand just cannot press the delete button.

Every morning I will look at your msn title to know your status of that day. But this few days you already do not put msn title. that let me more hurt because although maybe you put some sweet title that relate to your bf, but at least i know you are happy or what's status. But now, I never know your status and that's make me will think this and that. Usually that will cause me half day to control myself not to think much. my work really rubbish now. if not i still got self control and some nice coli, I think I will direct throw the letter and back hometown be a "fei chai" whole life. I don know my boss know this or not. but actually I request more work to do for forgot the pain you give to me.... But look like due to my work performance this few days, my boss also don want me to do more jobs. that make me have more time think more about u. I don want to be like this but I just cannot control.

So now I just can keep on look at your friendster to know that you got upload more pictures or not. I just want to know your status only. Last time I never care about your friendster but now I am glad that you interesting in frienster. at least let me have a way to know... although maybe you update it once in the blue moon. I don know you will hate me or not becoz keep on c I browse your friendster. I never hate friendster have the feature to know who 's view at that much. That make me cannot hide from you...

I also look back my favorite drama - friends for look for some funny things to laugh. But now I find that I cannot and I already understand Ross Geller 's feel to Rachel Green. The feel is really sad but I don know why last time I will laugh. Maybe that's the different of having you and without you.

Dear May,

Last night I dream about you. Actually I cannot sleep well this few days but yesterday nite consider a good sleep. that's all because I dream about you. I dream that I win your heart from your current bf and we are happy to be together. I really smile happy that time. But when I wake up this morning, I found that is a dream, my heart really hurt. I even try to sleep back and get the dream back. I never know a sweet dream can be that sweet and the reality is that much bad. I though I already use to the hurt but I found that every day I have different feel of hurt. I just realize that you can affect me so much.

I also got try to know more gals or friends to release my pain. but I found that although last time i feel if this gal is my gf then how good for me already cannot apply to me. Although some gal are nice, are hot, they already cannot make my feel come out agian. I don know this type of situation will until what time, maybe 2 weeks? 1 month? 3 months? half year? 1 year? or foverer? I never know.

I really regret I don hold u with all my heart when we still couple.... I really wish the time can return.

No Matter - Angel

Doesn't matter whom you are with
Doesn't matter where you are going
Don't you know I'm still waiting here for you
And pray for you
In the sunny days, Sun will light your day
In the windy days,wind will lead your way
I have to say, you're my treasure moments
Never gonna walk away
In the rainy days, rains will share my tears
In the stormy days, storms will steal my pain
Just go your way and leave things all behind
Spread your wings and fly away
I'm pretending you're mine
I'm wishing you'll be fine
The moments we share never die
You've made a difference to my life
And let me realize
The feeling I've got deep inside

Dear May,

Today is Wednesday, checked your friendster and notice that you delete 1 photo that you take with ur bf. I don know why you remove it. Maybe u know I always look at your friendster so delete that one who hurt me the most? Or you also feel that photo so over? You never know that photo got make me want to give up my life. luckly I got 3 nice coli: B, J and K help me pass though this time, else I don know where am I already.



Today nothing special, just miss you and heart hurt only. I start can felt to sleep oledi. I believe the time can help me recover from your hurt. Everyone tell me about that. I also can stop writing some blog that is send to you but actually I know you should not have chance to c it.



Just now have a drink with J and K. They suggested want to go to my hometown if the air ticket is free. I suddenly thinking about you because you request me go back hometown with you and I promise to you this year will bring you go. But now I have no chance on it. I really regret about it. I start think about a lot of things that I promise you or not promise you but I decide to do for you but I don do it. I really though got a lot of time to let me implement it but now already end. I really regret....

Dear May,
I don sleep whole nite and due to R's work, we need to wake up at 6am. I sent ED to Lrt and start my journey to a client that in shah alam. My heart really pain and I don know how I reach shah alam. The appointment is at 9.30am but I arrive at 7am. No doubt on this, this 2 hour use to refresh my memories that have you....
I work like a zombie in my office. I believe my coli already know something happen on me. I cannot eat well, sleep well, perform well. I just tell them I am sick but I think they all know the fact is not that easy. haiz... who care now. Last time I love to stay with my coli and I really think I find a work that is belong to me. I love spent my time with them than spent with you. But now, I find that I am wrong. I agree they can give me something new because last time I never work with a big group like this. But that happniess are just illusion. Without you, I never have mood to work and chit chat with my coli. I really have a high expectation on this job last time but now, I don care. If not really I have something that I need to handle now, I will direct go back Sarawak and cry in my mother arm. I don know I am weak like this...Now my msn title is "Never weak before, Never become strong. Never become Loser, How can become a Winner?"
I try to recover from your pain and I hope I can be strong, So I refuse ED's request to stay at my house tonite. I want to stay alone. I need to overcome this. I cannot ask my friend keep on helping me. haiz... hope tonite I can sleep and have self control not to msg you...

Dear May,
Today is the day I write my blog back. I need a place to release my pain. I don care you will see my blog or when you will see my blog or wat. I also don care got people see my blog or not. Actually I also hope no people will see my blog. At least not the one I know. I just want to write something for apologize? for release stress? or whatever la.
When I see you upload your photo that take with your bf, I just cannot control myself and say something rude to you. I need to apologize to you. Maybe what you do is rite, that really let me die my heart. I really don put any hope on you already. Maybe that what your action's mean....
Actually I got think about jump down from my office just now. 18th floor should be can let me die without a lot of pain. Luckly my sit not really near the window, else I don know what will happen. Actually I don want to let a lot of people know I lost you. But I lazy to pretend. I lost control in my office and really scared my coli and my master. I have been rude to my master. I am sorry for that. I try to find someone to chat but my coli, B and K all have their date. Actually I also know I cannot keep count on them because they also got their life. But that time I just hope got people can chat with me. Finally I get my high school friend ED to help me. I really happy I still got him...
When he know my situation, he just call my another high school friend R to help console me. I know you sure know who is R. I never know they can help me so much. I really though we just can play, laugh and entertain but cannot share this kind of things. but the truth is they can. I am glad that I have them as my friends...
ED and I stay a nite at R place. Although they keep on console me but actually not much help. The funny thing is R place at 20 floor and got a window that cannot be close. Last time we got kidding about this window really can let people jump down 1. When they start fall on sleep, I stand at the window there for long time. I keep on refuse myself to jump down but I really need to say, I got a strong desire want to jump from there, especially my mind keep on thinking about the photo. At this moment, B help me overcome this. She msg me and care about my feel. I really need to agree, gal's console is different from buddy's one. Maybe I really a bad guy la. Think that gal is important than friends. haha....
B, thank for your msg. If not you sms me for 1 nite, I really don know where am I now. I just can keep your help in my heart and just want to let you know, I own you. You let my parent still have a son... Maybe you will feel funny but I really mean that.

Dear May

I just know how you disappointed to me. I have think whole nite and I just realized that how bad am I so make you be other ppl's gf in 1 week time. I always thought we oledi been together so long time so we will never break up. I cannot imagine that 1 incident make you suddenly break up with me. At least before that we still very happy and go to TGI have lunch. At that time I still promise you will go to planet Hollywood to have lunch. and go to melaka on april, and back to sarawak together. we also thinking of buying TV or teach tuition in my new house. I oledi make my future have you. so even now I will get the keys soon but i just find that it is meaningless oledi. You can say I don care you last time but You cannot say I don love you. I don know when I can recover from the pain but at least now every nite i still sleep with tears. My work performance is a rubbish already. Without you, how hard I work oso no use oledi. I really hope you can share my life when I am success in it since you have go thought every hard points with me. I never know how important you are when you are my gf. So when you mention you already other's ppl gf then I just know I lost the most love of my life. I will use everything to make you back. I promise will go visit ur house everynite. I promise will let u know where r me and what I am doing. Just hope you don ignore me. I will let you control my financial. I will do what u want me to do. I just hope you come back to me. I never feel this pain in my life. And I can very confirm to you say that if you r ready, I can marry you now. I really realize what I wrong. I wish I can use my whole life to recover this wrong. I already can tell you very clear that I love you but not other things...

Please do not ignore my msg like my mail. I cannot afford that. I try to be a gentleman and let you go but finally I find that I cannot. I am really regret I just let you go when u say want to break up. I really thought we will together back that time. Just let you cold down for a while...

Your Ex